Keep going because, as artists, what other option do we have? If we stop, we cease creating artwork then we feel like fakes.  If we stop half way through we will never finish that painting or that drawing or that sculpture.  The fear of rejection and disappointment and “not good enough” are powerful enemies that keep me from the finish line, whatever that line may be on any given day; the painting, publishing the post, finishing the chapter, putting the for sale sign up. there are a hundred ways I convince myself to stop before the conclusion. It holds me back and keeps me from moving forward improving conquering winning succeeding.

I’m in two art classes presently, watercolor on Tuesday and palette knife on Wednesday. It feels like learning two languages simultaneously. This week I had a little melt down in palette knife and scrapped my painting. “I’m a fraud” I told my husband. “I’m not a real artist because I’m not consistently good, and I never went to art school and I wasn’t able to deliver…again! The reality is I didn’t push through. I was afraid of the outcome or the failure but in essence that was a failure because I didn’t produce anything. Beginnings are easy and exciting for me, middles are hell, and the end, if I can get there, is satisfying. But when I don’t finish, I feel like I’m a fraud a wannabe artist a failure.

But we learn more from our failures then our wins. And I learned something valuable. I don’t see small things like cherries and mushrooms well from a distance. Now that I know I can adjust. I also learned I don’t like to paint food- I can ignore that, and keep trying until I learn to paint food better and It’s really hard working with different mediums simultaneously – but again with practice and hard work I can improve. I learned that I need to remember when I’m struggling to keep going because I can’t let the fear of disappointment control me or dictate my efforts and work.

Knowing these things about myself can make me a better artist if I’m willing to adjust rather than give up. if I learn to push through the hard stuff the meltdowns and the learn from failure. If I only do what’s comfortable and not what challenges I am doomed to live within my own limited and dysfunctional habits, routines and understanding. Avoiding painting “still life” will never help me learn to paint still life, even though it may prevent meltdowns. But my goal should not be to create a sterile environment that keeps me from tantrums. The goal ought to be to continually place myself in situations that trigger the tantrums and meltdowns so I can learn how to conquer them, how to rise above them, what is not working, where I am needing to adjust my attitude, my techniques and my skillset.  My inner meltdowns reveal a need to learn how to function more like an artist and less like a child.

Joy comes in stretching ourselves beyond what we think we can do. It’s like faith. Stepping out of the comfort zone doing hard things sticking with the painting, not giving up, finishing my race and somewhere in the finishing I win even if I come in last, that is the place I succeed.

I don’t like to finish. I get bored. Its harder for me, but God wants me to complete things I started. Its not all about the fun in life which is beginning new things for me its about the hard work the elbow grease the difficulties and the pressing on.  I’m concerned about disappointment, I hate finishing bad movies, diets, blog posts. I love beginnings I hate endings. I love starting new paintings, buying new clothes, implementing new ideas, first chapters and meeting new people. I’m a genesis addict, its easy for me to start; much more challenges to push through. What’s the solution?

Do the hard things. pushing through becomes a choice which is DEFINITLY OUT OF AN ARTIST’S COMFORT ZONE. We operate on feelings and inspiration.

For me, finish lines don’t have the same intensity as beginnings so they don’t have nearly the appeal, I’d rather start ten paintings then finish even one.  I don’t give endings the time and energy they deserve, that is a me problem and I need to work on this.  I’m terrified of disappointment and finality. I’d rather avoid a goodbye altogether then be awkward and disappointed with the outcome. But I can’t control the outcome, and what I learned this week is that finishing strong doesn’t mean tight control, but slow release. Like raising children to become young adults.  For artists’ , a strong finish is about learning to release, not holding on , not continuing to add more and more and more paint. It’s a looser grip, less paint, less brush strokes, a signature and a price tag. There is a lot more backing up to see and observe what small changes and adjustments can be made to finalize the details and then stop. Its sort of like death the true and final end and necessity in the cycle of life. There is an art to endings and I can learn it…I must learn it. There is a necessity to book covers and last pages, opening curtains and rolling credits, underpaintings and varnishes it completes something brings it full circle, closes the loop and ultimately the only thing that can truly leave an artist feeling a sense of satisfaction.  

My tip based on this past week figure out are you a beginning middle or end person. Once you know use it both to your advantage work through your weakest place by just keep going, you’ll be glad in the end even if it’s not the best art work in the gallery, even if its not in the gallery you can learn something even from the failed pieces.  

I’m letting Jesus be my exampleJ

“Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Philippians 1:6